Get This Song Out of My Head!

You know how some songs get stuck in your head and rumble around when you wish they'd just crawl off and die? Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats" is that way for me. So, I figured if you can't get it out of your head, just change the words! It's not like any of the following wouldn't be what really happened if she did all of what she says she did anyway...

Right now you're prob'ly wondering why I'm sitting with a bleach blond tramp, and she's trying to get frisky...
Right now, you're prob'ly wondering why I'm here in my Tina Turner hot shorts drunk off the whiskey...
Right now, he's prob'ly gettin' stitches in his forehead from where I threw a combo...

And he called me "psycho"...

So I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Right now, I'm waitin' to get printed by that flat-footed sucker who brought me into the pokey...
Right now, they're saying that I'm drunk and they've charged me with "battery",
Right now, I'm prob'ly lookin' at at least six months before I get to go home...
Because they know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time I'll think before I beat.

I might've saved myself a little trouble for next year,
Cause the next time that he goes out on me...

Oh, you know I won't be free!

No...no not free
'Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time I'll think before I beat.

Or.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...

Ohh... before he cheats...