I Don't Know

A particularly baffling boy came through the door earlier this week.  He was a Biology major.  Ask me what his grades were in Biology...

So we went through the usual stuff:  the probation contract and what it entails, attempted discussion about why he screwed up last semester, etc.  The problem manifested itself instantly.

So...what do you think went wrong last semester?
I don't know.
No ideas?  Why do you think you failed these Bio classes?
I don't know.
(With a bit of frustration) OK.  So you're here, now, on academic probation.  Any thoughts about that?
I don't know.
(Me, hoping to find some sort of realistic inroad with this guy based on his hopes for his future):  Alright.  So tell me, what are you thinking about doing with your Bio degree after college?
I don't know.
No ideas at all?  Why did you pick this major?
I don't know.
(Very frustrated) You don't know?  OK...does that mean you took the course catalog, flipped through it and put your finger down and picked a major?  (Kid looks up.)  I'm not trying to make fun of you, OK, but this is a difficult major, and people usually have reasons for selecting it.  For instance, they think they want to go on to med school, or their parents think they ought to be a doctor or what have you.
Kid:  I don't know.  It's what my friends were signing up for, so I guess I just did it too.

At this point we signed papers, discussed terms of academic probation and a brief discussion about how if you don't have any idea what you're doing and where you'd like to go, you are likely to end up exactly where you find yourself right now.  He thanked me and left.

Will he get off academic probation?

I don't know.

DV

My New Joke: Ask Me What The Grades Are...

I'm back, biatches.

And you know why?  It's because I have so much irritation, so much bile, so much...pie-eyed wonder at the stupidity I see on a regular basis, that I had to return to blogging because otherwise I was going to a) explode and b) get in trouble for posting too much on Facebook.

Psuedonymity for the WIN.

So in a nutshell, here's what happened.  I kept working with students.  I kept rocking my job.  Eventually, with a bit of luck and persistence, I landed a position where I have less teaching, more one on one contact with students and more money-dollars.  Sweet.  I have an awesome position and mostly awesome people to work with and there is only one small problem with this job.  It brings me face to face with plenty of folks who refuse to accept reality.

Hence, my new joke.  Here's how it goes.  Student X walks into the office because she or he has to fill out an academic probation contract.  It is just as likely to be a she as a he, in my limited experience.  Let's go with he for now.  He sits down.  I pull up his academic profile -- transcripts, classes taken (and failed), etc.

So what's your major?
Biochemistry.
How are your grades in Biology?
I failed last semester.
How are your grades in Chemistry?
I failed last semester.  But I did pretty well in some classes.
This says you got an A+ in Bowling.
Yeah.
We don't have a major in bowling.
I know.
So ... what are your plans?  Do you intend to stay in this major?
Yeah.
OK...so why do you think you failed your Bio classes last semester?
I don't know.  It's hard.  I can't remember all that stuff.  They want you to remember too much.
OK...what about Chemistry?
I can't do the math.
Oh.  So why don't you change your major to something less math heavy?
I want to do Biochemistry.
But you can't do Biochemistry.
Yes I can.
Not according to last semester.
Last semester doesn't reflect who I am as a student.
Yes, it does, actually.  It's a written record of exactly who you were as a student last semester.
Silence.


This joke works for every single academic probation case I've seen so far.  Geology major?  Ask me what her grades are in Geology.  Criminology major?  Ask me what his grades are in Crim.

But they all get an A+ in Bowling.

-- DV