I Can Soon Add "Baker" To My Resume

OK, without properly thinking it through (yeah, I know, when does that ever happen??), I've ended up with a teaching assignment this summer that is probably going to warp my brain to the point where it breaks. Because I teach an at risk group of college students as a mentor-teacher, and because I did such a good job this year, one of the people in the Upward Bound program asked if I'd be willing to teach English to the Upward Bound kids this summer. UB is a program that takes high school kids and tries to prepare them for college in a few key subjects, English being one of them. They come from local high schools, stay in the dorms while they're here, eat on campus, have "classes" and take field trips. It's supposed to get them excited about college, basically, so they'll have more motivation to go. There is a girl in one of my sections now who is in college because of the UB program; she says it makes college seem like a natural next step, and you stop thinking of it as an "option", but rather start thinking "How can I make sure I get there." The kids also tend to be from that same at risk group I teach in the Fall anyway. It seemed like a natural fit.

I actually need a little summer work to help us get through the lack of a paycheck until Fall. We have an emergency fund designed for this problem, but I don't like bleeding it down so much. So, I said yes. I figured since this was college prep, I'd have high school seniors. I love teaching college freshmen, and while I wasn't exactly too keen on getting high school seniors, as they tend to have a bad case of I'm-not-in-school-anymore-itis, I figured they were close enough to my preferred demographic it wouldn't really matter. Turns out, no.

I'm not getting the high school seniors. They're taking other courses for credit. I'm getting the underclassmen. Sophomores and Juniors. And something they call "fast rising ninth graders," which makes them sound like a batch of yeast muffins. Oh, God, no. That was not the plan. I don't want to teach yeast muffins. I wanted to teach kids who were relatively close to college age. I don't want people still freaking out on hormones! I got the sheet of paper a few days ago with the list of my people on it -- one has the number "8" under her listed grade. EIGHT?! Does that mean she's considered a fast rising muffin, or does that mean I've been duped into taking an eighth grader??

I have no training in dealing with high school kids. I mean, granted, most of my freshmen are 18 years old, and a few of them have been 17 when they come in for fall semester. But it's different. They're not eighth graders. What the hell am I going to do? Hell, I won't even be able to say "hell" anymore? What jokes will I tell them? How on earth will we bond, if I can't cuss?!

Imagine, if you will, all the pains of trying to get 18 year olds to discuss gender roles in our society, or race issues or, *gasp*, equal rights for gays. Now, imagine these readings presented to fast rising muffins, who've likely never thought of this before in their entire lives. GAH. I knew I was going to have to cut down what I was doing for them, make it a little easier. But I do readings and we discuss them. It's a critical part of the process. I'm probably going to have to rethink my whole approach to that now.

What I think I'm really bitching about is that when I said yes, I thought it would be less work. I'm quickly realizing it's going to be more. Much more. What the hell have I gotten myself into? This can only end poorly.

-- DV

After some online discussion of this matter (what better way to get advice??), I have decided to replace every curse word I would normally say with "smurf." I'm going to introduce myself by declaring, "Since I'm not allowed to curse in front of you, I've decided to replace every curse word with 'smurf.' So let's check the smurfing attendance roll, OK?"