THE Movie

The hot movie of the moment is not the new Star Trek movie or Will Farrell's new movie or the follow up to Night at the Museum. No, according to Dante, the hot showing this season is THE movie. You know: the one they show you in the fifth grade or so. THE movie. THE movie has a great buildup before its showing, because it's talked about for weeks before it's actually shown. "Do you know what we're seeing in health class next week? THE movie!!"

Possibly the only thing more interesting than THE movie itself is its viewers. According to an inside source, the movie-goers are either giggling hysterically or they're sitting there trying not to look interested, as though they, you know, already know all this stuff, already. Most viewers' nerves are pretty frayed by the time they're ready to watch, because no one is really sure what's on the video -- and what that means is they're not really sure how much it will actually show. So everyone is a mess of nervous titters. It probably didn't help that there was more or less an animated penis achieving erection. That shattered whatever composure all moviegoers had.

Per Dante, it wasn't a very good rendition.

Needless to say, Dante had a keen interest in this movie. He knows all about the mechanics of sex, and he's known from a very young age (I think he was 4 1/2 or 5 when we first covered the mechanics, and he's asked more involved questions ever since). He asks me lots of things and he seems very comfortable doing so, probably because I've worked really hard at appearing to be comfortable telling him anything. This movie covers the mechanics in passing, but it covers one thing that most kids don't really start asking about until the age they are in Dante's class -- puberty. They all have a keen interest in puberty. Dante has an embarrassing habit of walking around saying, "Mom, my balls hurt, is that puberty?" at the most interesting of times.

As a "goody bag" for attending THE movie, Dante brought home a sample deodorant, which he is in love with, and a booklet about puberty changes, which is on his nightstand. His growing pains are really kicking in. He's eating everything in sight. He's about four inches away from being as tall as his dad. He turns 12 this summer. Gad. He's brewing some hormones, as he enjoys hanging around the neighborhood girls but isn't really sure why. To be fair, they like being around him and seem equally confused. He's developing a bit of an attitude. My new name is God Mom. As in, Gawd, Moooom!

He's starring in his own version of THE movie right now; we're turning a corner. He's going to Florida for the summer to stay with his grandparents. I wonder who will come back in August? I wonder if I'll still know him.

-- DV