Where We Smoke Crack and Read Revelation

Maybe I should've titled this also for the Baker's Baker's dozen post, but it gets particularly good right about now for JW doctrine. A little Brooklyn Brain Trust goes a long way. I'm pretty convinced that there's something better than Kool-Aid floating around in the branch headquarters, though.

Early on in the cult's life, we developed a fascination with Revelation and the end times. Our founder, Magic Bean Russell, nearly became a Seventh Day Adventist, after all. Here's one of the hardest selling points for a JW to make: The Scarlet Colored Wild Beast of Revelation = The United Nations!!! If you can convince somebody to buy that one, you're either realllly good at the slick talk, or they have a low I.Q. But that's what happens when you turn your organization over to lawyers and judges--slick talk. Fortunately, JW's have built an international organization out of promoting smart people to sell snake oil to the stupid people (see an upcoming post on college & education). Here's an early sampling of the wonky interpretation of Revelation; remember, now, that the first scripture in Revelation says that these are things that are presented as SIGNS, and therefore must be interpreted--except, of course, for the one about 144,000 people. From a 1999 Watchtower magazine:

Since World War I, we have seen the larger fulfillment of Jesus' sign recorded in Matthew chapter 24. Yet, recall his words: "When you catch sight of the disgusting thing that causes desolation . . . standing in a holy place, . . . then let those in Judea begin fleeing to the mountains." (Matthew 24:15, 16) This aspect of the prophecy must have a fulfillment in our time too.
Demonstrating the confidence of Jehovah's servants that this prophecy would be fulfilled, The Watchtower of January 1, 1921, focused on it in connection with developments in the Middle East. Subsequently, in its December 15, 1929, issue, on page 374, The Watchtower definitively said: "The whole tendency of the League of Nations is to turn the people away from God and from Christ, and it is therefore a desolating thing, the product of Satan, and an abomination in the sight of God." So in 1919 "the disgusting thing" appeared. In time, the League gave way to the United Nations. Jehovah's Witnesses have long exposed these human peace organizations as disgusting in God's sight.[…]
15 Revelation depicts "a scarlet-colored wild beast" that exists for a time, disappears, and then returns. (Revelation 17:3, 8) This beast is supported by world rulers. Details supplied in the prophecy help us to identify this symbolic beast as a peace organization that came into existence in 1919 as the League of Nations (a "disgusting thing") and that is now the United Nations. Revelation 17:16, 17 shows that God will yet put it into the hearts of certain human rulers who are prominent in this "beast" to desolate the world empire of false religion. That attack marks the outbreak of the great tribulation.

You read right. They take this interpretation from the scripture in Revelation that calls the beast the one who "was, but is not, and yet will be." So the League of Nations to the disbanding of the LoN to the creation of the UN. Now, there isn't one, but two nuggets of prophecy in the above passage. Not only is the United Nations the Wild Beast, but the UN is going to have to outlaw religion in order for Armageddon to come. While I've often thought outlawing religion would probably propel the human species foward, I really hope the JW's in authority at the Brooklyn Institute of Idiocy hold their breath until it happens. After all, it's right around the corner, right?? And from a 1991 Watchtower magazine that pretty much sums up what they believe will happen to those who ally themselves with this "beast" (note: Christendom for the uninitiated equals all religions except JW):

Some may take offense at the frankness of Jehovah's Witnesses in proclaiming this. However, when they say that Christendom's religious rulers have taken refuge in a lying arrangement, they merely relate what the Bible says. When they say that Christendom deserves punishment because she has become a part of the world, they merely report what God himself says in the Bible. (Philippians 3:18, 19) Moreover, because Christendom puts her confidence in the schemes proposed by this world, she actually supports the god of this world, Satan the Devil, who Jesus said is the father of the lie.—John 8:44; 2 Corinthians 4:4.

That's right. All those who line up with the UN deserve punishment for supporting Satan. But, lo! What new doctrine is this I spy? See, unfortunately for the JW hierarchy, there's a little thing known as the public domain. In this public domain you can find things like, oh, memos, court cases, little damning pieces of paper like that. From a 2001 memo (which you can find here with other links for Adobe Acrobat reader)from, oh, the U-fucking-N:

Recently the NGO Section had been receiving numerous inquiries regarding the Association of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York with the Department of Public Information (DPI). This organization applied for association with DPI in 1991 and was granted association in 1992. By accepting association with DPI, the organization agreed to meet criteria for association, including support and respect of the principles of the Charter of the United Nations and commitment and means to conduct effective information programmes with its constituents and to a broader audience about UN activities.

In October 2001 the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York requested termination of its association with DPI. Following this request, the DPI has made decision to disassociate the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York as of 9 October 2001.

We appreciate your interest in the work of the United Nations.

Former JWs will be particularly amused that the UN "disassociated" the entire organization of JWs, as the organization enjoys doing things like that to its own membership. Apparently, they chose to apply for break-off when rumor got out that they had JOINED the UN. That's right, part of the scarlet debbil. They claimed they were told they had to register in order to get a library card. I'll let that sink in for a minute, as I'm sure you haven't had as much Kool-Aid as others have. But the requirements for joining the UN as an NGO were clearly spelled out to them in a document when they requested application. Again, from the UN:

In addition, the criteria for NGOs to become associated with DPI include the following:

• that the NGO share the principles of the UN Charter;
• operate solely on a not-for-profit basis;
• have a demonstrated interest in United Nations issues and a proven ability to reach large or specialized audiences, such as educators, media representatives, policy makers and the business community;
• have the commitment and means to conduct effective information programmes about UN activities by publishing newsletters, bulletins and pamphlets, organizing conferences, seminars and round tables; and enlisting the cooperation of the media.

It explains why the Watchtower suddenly started printing such butt kissing articles about the UN and the work they were doing, all with the caveat of saying "of course, it's the work of man, so they're bound to be frustrated until God swoops in and fixes everything." Here's some particularly vile butt crack from 1995:

In Bible prophecy, human governments are often symbolized by wild beasts. (Daniel 7:6, 12, 23; 8:20-22) Hence, for many decades the Watchtower magazine has identified the wild beasts of Revelation chapters 13 and 17 with today's worldly governments. This includes the United Nations, which is depicted in Revelation chapter 17 as a scarlet-colored beast with seven heads and ten horns.

However, this Scriptural position does not condone any form of disrespect toward governments or their officials. The Bible clearly states: "Let every soul be in subjection to the superior authorities, for there is no authority except by God; the existing authorities stand placed in their relative positions by God. Therefore he who opposes the authority has taken a stand against the arrangement of God; those who have taken a stand against it will receive judgment to themselves."—Romans 13:1, 2. [...]

Jehovah's Witnesses view the United Nations organization as they do other governmental bodies of the world. They acknowledge that the United Nations continues to exist by God's permission. In harmony with the Bible, Jehovah's Witnesses render due respect to all governments and obey them as long as such obedience does not require that they sin against God.—Acts 5:29.

Or, I guess, if your human rights courts tell you you'll lose your tax exempt status otherwise. Looks like they were working up to making a bid for NGO status with the UN. Oh, hey, is the job of harlot who rides the scarlet colored wild beast taken yet? I may go apply for reinstatement...

-- Virgil