Cartoons for the Modern Age

Warning. This post will include lots of profanity. Shy away, if that bothers you.

Now, then. A discussion arose last night about the censoring of things on XM radio. We discussed the silliness of saying curse words after 10 p.m. but not before, about being able to say "damn" but not "goddamn" (who else would be doing the damning?), and how you could say in a lyric "I'm a fucking loser" but you couldn't say "fuck you" because that makes it a verb. Interesting industry double-speak. From that discussion arose what became a hilarious exercise for the rest of the night.

With the ease with which we accomodate profanity into our TV shows and music, we began to wonder what the modern version of older cartoons would really be like with all that profanity added in. We decided to pick on the Care Bears...


... only in today's society, they'd probably be labled: Li'l Give-A-Shits. "We have to help the world by giving a shit! Come on, kids! Say it with us!" And they all clasp hands and chant, "We give a shit! We give a shit!" They could also have fantastic names just like the old Care Bears. But none of this Tenderheart, Love-a-lot or Funshine business. No, the Li'l Give-A-Shits have names to match their new trendy personalities. There is Shits-a-lot, Two Shits, Shits & Giggles, Piece-a-Shit, Shit Storm, the one who loves food, which would be Eats Shit, the "smart" one, Shit-fer-Brains, the "Cousin" (remember Lion Heart?) whose name is Bull Shit, the one who "takes charge", or Tough Shit, Full-a-Shit, Big Shit, the "grumpy one" Who-Gives-A-Shit, and the cowardly one, Chicken Shit.

We're still working on their tattoos. We do know that we want their Li'l tribe name abbreviated and rounded over their fat, little bellies: G-A-S.

--Virgil