From G's to Giggles

MTV really has some great mindless television lately. Anyone who knows me knows how much I like reality TV. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's the stupid indulgence factor. Who knows? My favorite reality show of all used to be The Flavor of Love. It was just so full of weird, fail and funny. After all, it was mainly about a bunch of leand-over tennis shoe women who were all competing for a burned out, semi-literate crack baby who wore giant clocks around his neck. Sadly, nothing in the previous statement is considered libel, because it's all true. One woman even pooped on the floor while everyone else was in the room. Equally as sad, he seems to have found some happiness recently with a baby-mamma who wasn't even on any of the shows to begin with. The spin off I Love New York was pretty much just as good, because it took the most dramatic contestant from The Flavor of Love and gave her an identical set up with a bunch of equally ridiculous men with interesting names like "12 Pack" and "Buddha". Sadly, she also found what she was looking for in "Tailor Made," which was basically a spineless, well-to-do white boy looking for a dominatrix. For the ultimate in lols, the losers on both these shows plus a couple of rejects from Rock of Love are in a new show called I Love Money on VH1 where they all live together and compete in teams over cash. It's pretty funny.

So now that my expectations are known, I have to say that I find G's to Gents to be one of the best new reality shows I've seen in a while. You can watch a trailer of it here: linky. Fonzworth Bentley is the host of this show--Puff Daddy's umbrella holder. That alone should be sufficient reason to tune in. The premise is that 14 gangsters move into this mansion to learn how to become gentlemen--style, manners, etiquette, speaking, etc. with the prize at the end being $100,000. The aim of the show is purportedly to seek out the men who really need the help and to get rid of the "wanna-G's" like Mikey P. and last week's J. Boogie in favor of people for whom this might be their last chance at a successful life. Presumably. In a way, it's kind of like Ruby Payne's idea of generational poverty and how the middle class needs to teach the poverty class the skills they have that make them successful at life. But enough of my work life seeping into my entertainment!

In practice, the show does seem to follow that rule. Men who don't seem to be in real trouble (like Mikey P. who owns a house and has a good job) or people who are probably off in the head (like "Truth," who seemed like a schizophrenic) get sent home. The ones with anger management problems that all the rest of the men want to see go home get to stay because if they don't change, they'll likely end up in jail. I don't think the rest of the men have figured out how the system works yet, unsurprisingly. The way the voting process works is that each man gets a black sphere to drop in the wooden box of the person he thinks needs to leave the "Gentlemen's Club." The top three nominees get called to the mat, but Bentley gets the final say in who goes. They then have to hang up their club jacket, as their "membership is revoked." They all at least know that means they have to leave.

There is definitely a sense of democracy about the black spheres--most of the contestants call them "spears", but even the mispronunciation makes a point. Most men "spear" the one they want dead on the show. It's still funny to hear "Who put that goddamn black spear in my box?! Which one of you motherfuckers done it?!" There was also a startling sense of importance and gravity that came after Bentley announced the spheres and their purpose. One of the men said, "Wow. I count now. I have a say, and I have a vote. Better not mess with me, sucker, 'cause I'll put that black spear on you." I was really struck by how many of them seemed pleased at the fact that they got some say in the direction things would go. It made me wonder if they voted in their regular lives--the delight they showed in "finally getting a say" made me suspect not. I don't think any of them are felons, so I wonder why voting seems so new and powerful to them. But I can't help but wonder, being the academic that I am handicapped by a social worker gene.

The most flap seems to be over who is a real G and who isn't. For that, we have to first agree on what a "G" is. It's arguable that most of them aren't really "gangsters." Hoodlums, maybe. Rough necks, certainly. Gangsters, doubtful. There are a few, though, who have probably seen the inside of a police station a few times. One of the men is living out of his car. There are some who are just sleazy, like Cee. He's a self-described con artist. His reason for coming on the show is that he has a little girl, and he doesn't want her growing up thinking "daddy is a guido." My favorite, and the most "real" in my opinion, is "Creepa." Creepa's dad was shot and killed when he was just a baby, and his mother is disabled, so he basically had to figure out how to make things work on his own from a young age. He thinks that justifies the way he's lived his life, and frankly, I don't blame him. He's obviously more intense than the other guys, because they're all scared to death of him. He doesn't really do much to intimidate them other than sit there with his sunglasses on so people can't read his eyes and give off vibes like he could beat the crap out of you for fun. But when he talks to Bentley, he really seems like he wants more for himself in life and just doesn't know how to get it. When they first dressed up in suits, it was his first suit experience in his entire life. He had a big grin and said, "When I get back to the hood, they're gonna be hatin' on me, 'cause I'm gonna be rockin' suits every day!"

There are quote opportunities galore on this show. When Cee came down the hallway where all their photos were framed, there was a commotion about someone having drawn a black X over his face. "Who would do something like that?" He screamed. "When you draw that crap on there it's like you're defacing my face!!" Turns out it was all an elaborate con by Cee, who drew an X over his own face to plant suspicion about another house member he wanted gone. It almost worked, as that guy was on the chopping block, but Bentley chose to save him because he needed the help. One of the newer things MTV is doing with this show is that you can interact with cast members over the internet. This seems like an incredibly bad idea, somehow.

On the otherhand, I might just strike up a conversation with Creepa. It would make great blog material.

-- Virgil