Why the Future Will Continue to be Screwed

I'm grading around 60 resumes right now, give or take. JP and Batmite, stop snickering.

This is miserable work, because the resumes have been done by freshman, and there are many things wrong with nearly every single one. Besides, there is only so many times you want to read "Fry Cook" before you scream for mercy. On top of that, in an attempt to make the assignment more "meaningful" I had them write a one page reflection about their major and why they chose it. Effectively doubling my workload. Now it doesn't seem like such a smart idea. Actually, it was a very smart idea, but the slogging through the grading process is quite painful. In spite of the abundant templates and examples all over the internet, every single one of them still managed to fuck it up. I chalk that up to the fact that this project is in three phases, with the final grade coming at the end; so they know they have time to fix it up.

While the complete slackers simply haven't turned in the project at all, the ones who are on a slightly less sluggish level above that essentially turned in a resume that was template only. They managed to get their names in the corner, but everything else basically says "Your information goes here," only it isn't there. One particularly asshole-ish student did his work experience in Latin. Babelfish translated Latin, too, not correctly translated Latin. He describes his objective in getting a job as "I'm an unbelievably handsome young man wiht a quick wit and wonderful sense of humor. On the weekends I enjoy long walks on the beach followed by strong drink with close friends. Basically, I am awesome." Quote. I so beg to differ. I wrote as a response a question as to what, exactly, he hoped to gain by his unprofessional behavior besides wasting my time and wrecking his grade. It ought to put some starch in his shorts. The uni 101 class is a joke, but it isn't that much of a joke. Especially if I'm slogging through 60 similar jokes.

But there are less subtle double-takes I've having from these wretched pieces of paper that only come from the knowledge I have as their prof. It's the sort of insight you gain from watching the student's behavior in class, their response to doing their work, their personality, how they interact with their peers--all that stuff that a poor prospective employer couldn't possibly know from that piece of paper alone. For example...

I just threw up in my mouth a little when I realized from Sullen Susan's Objective statement that she is a Secondary Education major. This is the same girl who refuses to do anything but the absolute bare minimum and rolls her eyes when she thinks I can't see her. She's more interested in her personal planner than in her assignments (and it is NOT because I am boring). She packs up her stuff before class is over, and she snickers every time the gay student answers a question in class. (She's actually on the brink of getting a very stern talking-to about it--her other cohort has already gotten the warning.). She'll make a great molder of young minds. Not to mention her writing is atrocious. She did play the kicker for her high school football team, though. Maybe she could teach P.E. Jeezus Krist.

One student reports he simply cannot wait to start putting people in prison.

Ye gods.

-- Virgil