Virgil vs. USN

Sigh. It always seems as though when my own personal life is coming into balance, the lives of those around me get thrown out of whack. Maybe that's just Life. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about enjoying my own life when the lives of some who are close to me are painful. I get over it, but I still feel that little twinge. My latest dilemma is over Navy Buddy. And dude, I'll take down these posts about you just as soon as you contact me. Okay?

Navy Buddy is having a hell of a time in the Navy. He's fallen victim to the culture of destructive behavior that so often happens to sailors, and it's landed him in hot water. Twice. Because he's so highly trained (and expensive), he's just been getting slaps on the wrist. This last time around, though, he got restricted to the boat. Then he just decided he was finished with the Navy and from what I understand just refused to work anymore. The men in charge of guarding him, because, let's face it, he was basically under house arrest, have been less than helpful, to say the least. They got to decide whether he got to talk to a therapist, and the problem with therapy in the Navy is that information could potentially be used to discharge you instead of help you. As far as I know, his guardians told him they'd "think about" letting him talk to one.

The last I talked with him, he was incredibly bitter about his situation. He was also extremely angry at the people in charge of watching him. He thought they were taunting him and denying him medical access. He was mentally finished with the Navy, and he didn't care what being dishonorably discharged might do to his ability to find work later. He's got about three years left on his contract, including a six month deployment, which is always rough on him. He really was too bitter to talk to. He was so miserable there was nothing I could say or do to console him. We got off the phone, and I haven't heard from him since.

I've left messages and emails. I've sent email to his boat account. Nothing. I'm pretty convinced he's sitting in the brig right now for assaulting his jailors, or otherwise flipping out. So, in an attempt to figure out where he is and if he's OK, I've had to try to contact the United States Navy. Har.

I started by looking up the base information for where he was. There was a phone number. I called it, it was no longer a working number, and I got another number from that message. I called that number--it's an automated system with different departments to choose from. I picked one and left a message. Nothing. I called it again the next day, straight to voice mail. I picked another department. I finally got somebody, and explained that I was trying to contact a sailor. "What for?" Was the basic response. I didn't ask for a nuclear secret. So, I explained that we'd lost contact with him, I was 99% sure he wasn't deployed at the moment, and I had good reason to believe he was in a lot of trouble. I wasn't asking for particulars, but I did want to know where he was. I didn't think that was too much to ask. They said they'd check on it. I waited a while, and they gave me two more numbers to the administration over the submarines, which is what Navy Buddy does. I haven't called them yet. I expect more of the same. I basically just want to know if he's a) dead b) jailed c) deployed and d) needs help. I don't think that's too much to ask for. Depending on the answers, I may want other things like access to medical care. But for now, I just want an answer. I do expect to get a lot of flak before I get to the answers, given the cageyness of the man who answered the phone first.

I'm not even sure what my role in this is. Navy Buddy is dear to me. But he's almost too upset to help. When I was younger, helping people was so much more clear cut. You either could or you couldn't loan somebody $100 or let them crash in your pad for a couple of nights. Now, I can but the question is whether I should. And I have to say, that's one area I've not resolved for myself at all. I feel like if I can, I should. If I don't, who will? But sometimes people need to be free to make their own mistakes, I suppose. Navy Buddy isn't really very willing to examine his own role in this great big mess--it's always the excuse of the environment and the community around him. He doesn't know how to make lemonade out of lemons, to use a metaphor. He just complains about having been given lemons. I'm not sure how to help him. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to. I don't know what to do.

I do know the Navy better answer the damned phone, though.

-- DV