Publish or Perish!

In the world of academia, there is a slogan any faculty members with a research component to their jobs fear and dread:  Publish or Perish.  To us, it means that in order to stay in academia, make tenure, have a decent life, not be relegated to community college, you have to publish stuff--studies, articles books--or you're doomed.  But right now I'm thinking of the other thing Publish or Perish means to me--and that is the reams of fundamentalist literature I used to peddle myself as a former JW and that I get now from other even smaller fringe movements.

I'm not sure why I'm always the target of fringe fundamentalist pamphlets, but I am.  Batmite and JP can attest to the number of Optical Illusion Jesus posters I got while in grad school, complete with testimony of how the Lord gave Besty $5,537.03.  Which I found interestingly specific.  I will occasionally get the flyer for an upcoming seminar; I actually meant to go to the one where all the end times stuff was going to be revealed by a guy who looked like he was my neighbor in a trailer a few doors down.  I got my wires crossed and missed that one.

A few days ago, I got another one from Marvelous Light Ministries in Smalltown, PA.  It's a booklet called Breaking One Means Breaking Ten, and it has a fantastic picture of somebody's brown Doc Martin cracking some stone tablets labeled "GOD'S LAW."  It's supposed to be the typical story about how a calm, level headed religious person bests a foolish doubter.  But it was sort of hard for me to get past the first paragraph.  I think I'll keep a collection of these for when I need a good giggle:

In the neighborhood where I once lived, there was an infidel whose chief delight it was to invite ministers to his home and then confuse them with his infidel arguments.  He boasted that he always silenced them and sent them away defeated.  He had tainted nearly all the young men of the community with his infidelity, and was dreaded by the church people.

LOL.  The infidel then invites this minister to dinner and proceeds to call the ten commandments childish and poorly written, the minister demonstrates their "logic," and the infidel is bested.  

Without realizing what he had done, the infidel had stood, moved his chair nervously, and had seated himself again where the light from the window, falling on his face, revealed evidence of deep conviction.

Gotta love that foreshadowing. The group also offers other pamphlets to strengthen your faith in the logic of God's words.  They include the following titles:

"Are You Breaking 'The Law'?"  Who thought they had the right to change God's Law?  Have you been tricked into breaking it?  The future of your life depends on the answer!  (Oh no!  Have I been tricked?!)

"The Coming One World Government"  (hard to tell if they think that's a good thing or a bad thing)

"Our Liberties Threatened"  There is a movement rapidly gaining ground in the United States, which is absolutely antagonistic to the laws and principles which are the foundation stones of the Constitution of the United States.  Read this booklet and discover what that movement is, and what you can do about it!  (Seems to have nothing to do with Jesus, but probably has everything to do with Teh Gheys.)

And my personal favorite:  

"Rome's Challenge -- Why Do Protestants Keep Sunday?"  Rome's challenge to Protestants -- your belief in Sunday sacredness is groundless, self-contradictory, and SUICIDAL!  (AAAHHHHH!!!)

The books have comments like "Incredible!" or "A Powerful Book!"  Kind of like when the NY Times reviews books--only these remarks are not attributed to anyone.  It would be the same as if I put them in the banner of my blog.  "Best Blog on the Web."  Um, per who, exactly?  The other titles are only about fifty cents a pop.  The Rome one is .75, so there must be 50% more good stuff in it.  But...I can't order them without giving my name.  I don't want to be super inundated by fundies.  

But then, maybe it's my "chief delight" to call them up and confuse them all with my "infidel arguments."  

-- DV