Don't Cry For Me, Argentina

And that would be South Carolina Republican Governor Mark Sanford.

He disappeared for a week, didn't tell his wife where he was going, and totally didn't do Father's Day with his kids. Then his camp was telling people he went hiking on the Appalachian trail by himself. Now it turns out he was in Argentina banging his mistress -- or as he put it, "crying for five days."

Here's a copy of the transcript of his press conference.

There are a couple of things I find interesting about it. First, it seems that God had a plan for Sanford. God both got Sanford in this mess in the first place, and now is holding him accountable for it. Per his statement, here is why he started talking to his Argentinian mistress in the first place:

The -- and -- and there's a certain irony to this. This person at the time was separated, and we ended up in this incredibly serious conversation about why she ought to get back with her husband for the sake of her two boys; that not only was it part of God's law, but ultimately those two boys would be better off for it.

And we had this incredibly earnest conversation and at the end of it, I said, "Could I get your e-mail?"

BWAHAHAHAHA. There most certainly is an irony to that story. And that's how it all began. I guess that's how you give Republicans a boner? Start talking about what God's plan is for your failing marriage? But before he tells us how the affair started, he explains why he's there to confess:

But I am -- I am here because if you were to look at God's laws, there are in every instance designed to protect people from themselves. I think that that is the bottom line with God's law -- that it's not a moral, rigid list of dos and don'ts just for the heck of dos and don'ts. It is indeed to protect us from ourselves. And the biggest self of self is, indeed, self. That sin is in fact grounded in this notion of what is it that I want, as opposed to somebody else.

So he's confessing because he needs protection from himself. Because as we all know, the biggest self of self is, indeed, self. That rivals Clinton's "It depends on what the meaning of the word is, is."

He's resigning as the head of the Republican Governors Association. No word yet about whether he'll step down as Governor.

You know, the Repubs wanted to impeach Clinton for a hummer. At least he did his dirty business on the job site.

More proof that the only threat to heterosexual marriage is not gays -- it's Republicans who can't keep it in their pants.

-- DV