Because This Exercise Is Just Too Darn Addictive

I bet you didn't know that this month marks the 92 year anniversary of what should've been the end of the world. In October, no less, of 1914, the JWs made their first bold--and wrong--prediction. Being wrong hasn't stopped them yet. Although they at least know enough not to try to predict it to the month now.

Around 1995, JW headquarters (the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society, known to those on the inside as "the Society") printed a Watchtower magazine that declared that the end of the world/Armageddon would happen some time before the end of the millenium. You'd think they'd learn after having predicted the end over 5 times now and gotten it flat wrong. However, with a new brainwashed Choir Director for their Kingdom Melodies, they sure could've used Prince to come in and rev up the congregation. You know, get them motivated for yet another doomsday scenario. Perhaps he should've chosen to modify his 1999 lyrics. Given the preoccupation with end times and all...
*To those who aren't former JW's, "other sheep" is the jargon for those who are supposedly not going to heaven after Armageddon, but are staying on Earth for Paradise forever and ever. What a crock.

1999--or, Millenial Freakout Time!

Don't worry, Jah won't hurt U
But only if you're the ones he chose...

God commanded me to witness, forgive me if I go astray
But when I woke up this mornin', I was told it's almost Judgment Day
The sky was all purple, there were Jay-Dubs runnin' everywhere
Tryin' 2 run from Armageddon, U know I didn't even care

Cuz they say 2000 zero zero party over, oops, out of time!
So 2night I'm gonna witness like it's 1999!

I was thinkin' this was crazy, and they'll sue me if I say 2 much
But we're all "other sheeple"-- u know it ain't meant 4 us
They say God's War is all around us, get your armor and prepare 2 fight
And just in case you gotta die, u better deny ur body 2night

Yeah, they say 2000 zero zero party over, oops, out of time!
So 2night I'm gonna witness like it's 1999! (Yeah, yeah)

People, let me tell U somethin'

If U only came to "witness", don't bother knockin' on my door
I don't care if there's a "lion", and I don't care if he's ready 2 roar (Yeah)
Everybody's got a body, and you'll all die one day anyway(Oh)
We all know that's gonna happen, Just keep your doomsday cult away!
Oh, they say 2000 zero zero party over, oops, out of time!
(We're runnin' out of time)

So 2night I'm gonna witness like it's 1999! (We gonna, we gonna, oh! screw it up again)
Try it one more time
2000 zero zero party over, oops, out of time! (Pick another date!)
So 2night I'm gonna witness like it's 1999! (We're gonna, gonna come knockin' at yer door!)

Alright, 1999
U better believe it, 1999
1999 (1999)
Don't stop, pick another date, try it one more time

2000 zero zero party over, oops, out of time! (Yeah, yeah)
So 2night I'm gonna witness like it's 1914! (Whoops that one didn't work out, wait!)
Yeah, 1999 (1918--oh, wait a minute, that one was wrong, too)
Don't U wanna go? (1925--hang on. I think the light is getting brighter)
Paradise on Earth? (1936--Well crap. Guess we'll have to do another reprint.)
We could all die any day (1975--Ha, ha! Got a lot of you with that date, didn't we??)
And if we get it wrong, we'll rewrite all the books anyway (1999--it depends on who you ask)

That's right, everybody say
Don't care about that lion, mama, say!
Ah, we don't care if he's ready 2 roar!
Yeah!

Mommy, why does the Society get it wrong?? (2x)