Nefarious Plastic Surgeons and a Deranged Conversation

I hate my mom's plastic surgeon. He's so skilled in his snake oil that he thinks other people don't notice the taste. His whole office really slathers it on thick.

I go in for a skin check. For skin cancer. The nice woman doctor who works in his office says about my boobs something to the effect of "Oh, I remember when I was that size." And chuckles. "I like it. Never had any problems." I respond. So she goes on to still fill my ears full of boob surgery info, most of which I know through research to be wrong.

I went with my mom for her final consultation and then to the appointment to have her brow lift. She didn't fully get what the "doctor" was talking about, and my attempts to clarify were met with irritation from him. His main concern with the brow lift was that her brow did not have a natural arch. Something my mother didn't care a flip to have. He then casually points to *my* brow line and says "Your daughter takes that after you." Implying that I'm going to need surgery eventually. Whatever.

She's not satisfied with the job. I knew she wouldn't be, because she's not satisfied with anything, why on earth would she be satisfied with this?

And yet she's going back for a face lift this summer. From the same doc that she's complaining about. I think it goes without saying that I'm doing my damndest to talk her out of it, but she's pretty dead set.

Mom,if you don't like the job he did on your brow, what makes you think you'll like your face lift?
Because if he makes a mistake, it'll be smaller because it'll be spread over a wider area.
????????????????????????This is me being utterly confused as the logic part of my brain just spun around and killed itself.
Why on earth would it be smaller?
Because your eyes are more of a focal point, you know.
Yes, as opposed to your entire face. Have you talked to anyone else who has had this procedure done by him?
Yes, his sister-in-law. She said it was great and she had no pain.
Yes, because she obviously has nothing to gain from the free plastic surgery he gives her. Very objective. Did you get to see a before and after book?
He doesn't have one.
Did you ask him how many touch ups he has to go back and do?
No.
And what the most likely area that he'll have to touch up would be?
No.
And how soon you could expect that to happen, if it will happen?
No.
Do you care about that? Does that scare you at all?
Well...I'm going to do it anyway.
Alrighty then.
Well, I'll ask him when I go back for my final consultation.
Like hell.
What??
There's the mail. Gotta go, Mom.

I consider her impending face lift to be the biggest code red emergency in my life right now. So much bad can come of this, not the least of which is going in debt to the tune of $6k over something that is likely not going to satisfy her and may only make her feel worse. Well, I have until June 6th to stop it. Dr. Frankenstein's office is going to have their hands full with me.

--Virgil