He's Ba-aack!
My son is back with force. I got a fast reminder in both A) how crazy he is and B) how great I think he is.
He brought with him a whoopee cushion. I didn't know they still made such things. He has gotten so much mileage out of that thing, it's a wonder it doesn't have holes in it. Why on earth do little boys think that fart jokes/farting is so funny? It wouldn't have been too bad if he hadn't added his own special fart at the end of the fake ones. He thought that was hilarious.
We were listening to the band Kyuss--sort of heavy metal with a fuzzed out guitar instead of screaming ones--and somewhere around the third track, something struck a chord in his solar plexus, because he began thrashing around and changing the words:
Cereal and Milk, Cereal and Milk,
Cereal, Cereal Cereal and MIIIILLLLKKKKK
CEREALANDMILK!!!
??? But it was funny.
I had roasted a chicken and made garlic mashed potatoes, and we ate outside on the balcony (the kitchen is unbearably hot this time of year). After we ate--he had two plates--we told Yo Mama jokes, another specialty area of his:
Him: Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio.
Me: Yo mama so stupid she heard it was chilly outside so she got a bowl.
Him: Yo mama so poor I walked in the front door and fell out the back.
And while I was in stitches over that one, he added:
Yo mama so stupid she saw a bus full of white people and yelled, Hey, look at that Twinkie.
I thought I would cry laughing. Where the heck did he learn all these? My guess is Uncle Marcus, but he won't admit to it.
Come to think of it, I guess he was insulting Nana, and I was insulting myself?!
I'm so glad he's back, even if it's just for a few weeks.
posted by contemplator at Thursday, July 13, 2006
5 Comments:
Yo mommas so fat she wears two watches 'cuz she takes up two time zones.
Yo mommas so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma’s so ugly your dad takes her to work so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye
Yo momma’s so ugly, her pillow cries at night.
Yo momma's got three teeth...one in her mouth and two in her pocket
Okay, I'm stopping now, but with a little Googling, you can develop a repertoire to shame your poor son.
Yo momma's so stank she used secret and it told on her...
Yo momma's so hairy she looks like she's got Big Foot in a headlock..
here is my nearby preteens contribution..
yo mama's so old she sat behind jesus in third grade.
the twinkie one tops all i would say. we all had a great giggle over that one!
enjoy your time with him!
Dante respectfully requests to know why "Yo momma's got three teeth...one in her mouth and two in her pocket" is funny. :D He did like her falling in love and breaking it, though.
I never knew you liked Kyuss, the predecessor to Queens of the Stone Age. They are in a genre known and coined in the 1990's as 'Stoner Rock'.
The idea behind 'Stoner Rock' is that it is hard/heavy rock that stoners would listen to. There is a lot of 70's and even late 60's influences in the music. There are also some cult bands from the 80's that influence the genre.
Stoner Rock is definitely not lightweight stuff. It is chiefly influenced by Black Sabbath, the Stooges, Iron Butterfly, Jimi Hendrix, Pentagram, Hawkwind and Blue Cheer. You will notice I did not mention bands like Queen, Aerosmith or Kiss. This is because they did not place their focus on a distorted, uber-heavy or spacey sound. The aforementioned bands have used such qualities in their works, its just that it was not the cheif focus of their works.
Stoner Rock focuses on heaviness, drug use/references, hallucination influences, outer space references, freakish sounds, massive distortion and instrument/amplifier tweaking to give a more spacey and/or oppressive feel. Stoner Rock has a real 'downer feel' to it, meaning that listening to it sounds as if one had consumed 'downer' type drugs. The theme of the music typically avoids the influences of pop, kitsh and glamour, as they are considered by the musicians to be superficial, shallow and/or weak. Musical integrity, individualism and creating threatening vibes are all of key importance to the typical stoner rocker, even to the point of being shunned by others. The music comes first for them. Immediately after that comes the dope and booze.
Stoner Rock is not to be confused with indie rock or emo. Unlike indie rock or emo, there is little to no cuteness involved. You would be hard pressed to find songs about how some guy is being rejected by some girl, or how the singers parents are mistreating him/her. What the genre does have in common with indie/emo is that they both go for a rock feel, and can sometimes have 'nice' lyrics, meaning that stoner rock is not always about evil, darkness or malevolence which defines heavy metal. Stoner Rockers consider 'indie rock' and emo to be too popular for them to want to affiliated with them. There are even some stoner rock bands with a tough guy mentality.
Your next question is probably 'What is the difference between Stoner Rock and Metal?' The answer is that they actually have a lot in common, and even overlap in certain cases, but not always. Both genres emphasize heaviness, but metal tends to have a more evil and/or aggressive vibe, and it can be fast or slow, and tries to be extreme in one way or the other, simply for the sake of extremes. Stoner rock has more of a drugged out, spaced out feel, there can be evil and malevolence, but the bottom-heavy drugged up sound is the key attribute. For me to really give you a useful understanding, I will give you example bands that are metal only, stoner rock only, and bands that can be considered both. I will not list all bands that fit into these categories, as I could be typing here for hours, and your comment page would take as long to download!
Metal only bands:
Metallica
Slayer
Anthrax
Deicide
Motley Crue
Judas Priest
Iron Maiden
Manowar
Cannibal Corpse
Pantera
Iced Earth
Stoner Rock only bands (debatable):
Queens of the Stone Age
Monster Magnet
Kyuss
Orange Goblin
Fu Manchu
Grand Magus
Golden Pig Electric Blues Band
Abdullah
Clutch
Alabama Thunderpussy
Fireball Ministry
Goatsnake
St. Vitus
Bands that can be considered both Stoner and Metal:
Electric Wizard
Eyehategod
Burning Witch
Pentagram
Khanate
Cathedral
Candlemass
Down
Melvins
For more information, visit stonerrock.com . A related genre, (not going to get into that) is doom metal, and some of the bands I mentioned above are considered part of that genre. Have fun getting stoned!
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