Holidays = Teh Suck

Well, I'm here at home and the boys are in Kentucky for Thanksgiving.

Don't even begin to feel sorry for me, because the truth is the holidays stress me out, and I would rather be here. I was raised without them for 19 years, so it's been hard to slip into the holidays. I didn't even really start celebrating them until I got married, because I didn't have a place to go do it. Everybody goes home for the holidays, but my home (which never feels like home anyway) doesn't do that. Because my immediate family still doesn't celebrate any holidays except their super boring metaphorically canabalistic slightly disguised Easter ritual, that pretty much leaves the in-laws; while I have a great bunch of in-laws, it's still pretty stressful for me. See, I don't understand most people's traditions. They go about it with such ease, and I'm standing around going, "Wait, wha??" I'm trying to find my own way into traditions of my own, but it's slow going.

Thanksgiving is a bit difficult, because El Hijo de Verde's family all dress up (for the most part). It's like a fancy-pants dinner. I've never had a fancy-pants dinner with my own family, so I always feel like I'm about to break the china. Plus, I'm the in-law to them. So while they are moderately interested in them, El Hijo is, well, their hijo, so I feel like I play the part of the supportive second stringer. I like them, don't get me wrong. I like their ham, too. They're nice to me. But I'm never sure how to behave.

Christmas is really weird for me. I mean, super weird. You'd be surprised how you can be born into and live in a culture all your life and still never get down fully with some of the traditions. There's songs for Christmas that I don't know, because I wasn't allowed to sing them and I had to leave the room at school during all that stuff. (Which was OK, because I thought class was largely boring.) There's all the decoration stuff, which I am totally inept at. There's present buying, which I think I suck at. My idea of what makes a good present is on the opposite spectrum of what other people seem to do. I'm really uncomfortable with the present aspect of things anyway. I was raised to believe that Xmas is a money grubbing event that has nothing to do with the day of Christ's birth, which wasn't even in December anyway. I still think it's a money grubbing event, and it has nothing to do with Jesus' birth, but now I've modified that stance to believe that it's also about showing your family how much you appreciate all of them, and that's why we all drive in each year. Still, it's mega-awkward when the family (El Hijo's family) calls wanting our "list." They give TONS of gifts each year, and as two fairly poor grad students, sometimes it feels like it's hard to keep up. They don't expect us to, but it's the principle of the thing for me.

Another awkward part is that Dante goes with his Dad for Xmas & T-giving. So, my own family isn't even there. I hate going into Kentucky to give him away. I tried to get out of that feeling this year by going on vacation with Director/Buddy. We're going to Acapulco in less than a month. Whoo-hoo!! It was supposed to work out so that she wasn't by herself for Xmas--she's single, childless, and has no family except an estranged half sister and a combative cousin, so she takes the holidays on the chin. The trip, though, turns out to be the week before Xmas. So, we're still going through it, but maybe we'll be tanner this time around.

Trying to create my own traditions has been somewhat hilarious. T-giving is just an excuse to see the family you haven't seen in a while. I can't help but think, "This has shit-all to do with Pilgrims, who weren't really something we should celebrate anyway. Pass the ham." Christmas, though, is a bit different. There's a Charlie Brown CD of Xmas music that I fell in love with last year. I had to play it constantly. I'm looking forward to getting into it again. I can't put up a Xmas tree. They seem too weird to me. All those baubles and strings of stuff--it just looks like one giant fire hazard. Instead, what I have are light up glass present boxes. I'll have to take a picture and post it. Director/Buddy last year took these clear glass blocks and drilled a hole in them. Then she stuffed them with regular string lights and wrapped the whole thing with a bow. You plug it in and have a light up present! I am so crazy over those things. I love them to pieces. I'm already plotting on how to get more of them. So last year, I had the light up boxes on the liquor cabinet and all of the other real presents under the light up boxes. So instead of worshiping a tree, I worship a holy present box, I guess. Seems more appropriate to the money grubbing season.

But so far, that's as far as my decorating goes: light up glass boxes and Charlie Brown Xmas music. I go into stores and get blown away by the decorations. Am I supposed to have bouncing snowmen? Candy canes? Frogs in Santa clothes? There's too much to pick from. I may get around to hanging a wreath on the door this year, but that will probably be my only new tradition. My quiet goal is to go on vacation every Xmas and create a sort of "alternative" holiday. A Festivus for the rest of us. El Hijo gets kind of mad when I'm not there, though.

So while the boys have been gone, I've dicked around a bit, worked on important essays, (de)graded a few student projects, drank various kinds of spirits and bonded with kitty. I'm actually doing pretty good. Apparently I needed a few days to decompress by myself.

Oh, and I plugged in the present boxes. Apparently, it's Christmas time.

-- Virgil